Richard Bence on Cosmetics

There's a biochemist called Richard Bence who's been all over the papers telling us that make up and cosmetics are terribly bad for us:

Many use more than 20 different beauty products a day striving to look their best while nine out of 10 apply make-up which is past its use by date.

Dependence on cosmetics and toiletries means that a cocktail of 4lb 6oz of chemicals a year is absorbed into the body through the skin.

Some synthetic compounds involved have been linked to side effects ranging from skin irritation to premature ageing and cancer.

Richard Bence, a biochemist who has spent three years researching conventional products, said: "We really need to start questioning the products we are putting on our skin and not just assume that the chemicals in them are safe.

"We have no idea what these chemicals do when they are mixed together, the effect could be much greater than the sum of the individual parts." Mr Bence, an advocate of organic beauty products, believes that absorbing chemicals through the skin in more dangerous than swallowing them.

The old cocktail theory, how nice to see that make a reappearance. The Mail (quelle surprise) also carries the story:

It takes cleanser, moisturiser, make-up and a favourite lipstick to ensure the average woman is ready to face the world.

But a daily routine like this leaves her with more than a polished appearance.

She also absorbs almost 5lb of chemicals through her skin every year.

Some of the man-made compounds have been linked to cancer, while others may irritate the skin or even cause it to age prematurely.

Biochemist Richard Bence warned that the chemicals found in everyday beauty products could be doing untold damage.

Mr Bence, who has spent three years studying the ingredients in cosmetics and toiletries, said: "There is a growing amount of research questioning the ingredients found in conventional beauty products.

"We really need to start questioning the products we are putting on our skin and not just assume that the chemicals in them are safe.

"We have no idea what these chemicals do when they are mixed together. The effect could be much greater than the sum of the individual parts."

Now, I don't know whether this is the same Richard Bence who writes the make up and cosmetics section for the EasyJet inflight magazine or not for it isn't, in theory, that uncommon a name.

However, I am certain that it's the same Richard Bence who is a founder of Being Organic, a site selling organic make up and cosmetics.

So, I can see a decent career path here. I am the world expert (yes, really, the, not an or a) for scandium. I have been for a decade, so I can certainly boast of "research" and "expertise". Amazingly, I've now found that a few grammes of scandium foil, packed into an argon filled glass vial and worn as a pendant, protects (hey, it's a very rare metal, used in Space Programs!) against WiFi, electro-magnetism, leaches the poisons and toxins out of the body and grows your dick/causes multiple orgasms. It also protects against identity fraud.

Even better, it will (naturally!) show when it has been used up. Over time, the argon will leak out and oxygen from the atmosphere in, giving a pink patina to the scandium foil. Thus you will know when it is time to get a replacement.

Excellent. So, umm, how do I get a page or two (for free, of course) in the Daily Mail, Telegraph, Times, Express, Sun, etc etc to market this amazing new health product? Do I offer the editor a cut? The journalist? Or is there no reason for that, knowing what the British journalist will do unbribed?