Tabloid Edition

David Beckham in divorce battle!

This may or may not surprise you but David Beckham's been caught up in a divorce battle.

No, not from his own wife, Posh Spice, this David Beckham divorce story is about the marriage of another couple. What seems to have happened is that the father of children that go to school with the Beckham's children has decided that his wife has been having an affair. Then, on hte basis of little or no evidence, he's decided that the affair must have been with David Beckham.

Coming after the allegations (strongly denied accusations it must be said) that Beckham has been having threesomes with a prostitute, this isn't perhaps the easiest of stories for Becks and Posh to have to bear:

DAVID Beckham has been named in a court case over claims of an affair with a married mother of two.

The 35-year-old footballer was forced last night to deny having an illicit fling with Shery Shabani, a Hollywood jeweller to the stars.

A source close to the Beckhams has commented as follows:

‘It’s a very odd situation. Obviously, David’s not complicit in this at all – and he’s only learned of it today. This is all false and there’s absolutely no suggestion that there is any truth in the husband’s claims of an affair between David and the woman. It’s all a bit bizarre to be honest.’

Given that the allegations are in court documents and are therefore privileged there's not really anything anyone can do about the allegations either. Except deny them and move on.

 

 

Jessica Alba naked

We all know that Jessica Alba said she would never appear naked in a movie.

That's the sort of thing that starlets do, not the sort of thing that respected (however gorgeous) actresses do.

However, we do have Jessica Alba appearing nude in her recent movie, Machete. So, err, have we had a regression from actress to starlet here? Perhaps a breaking of the word?

No, it can be explained. Getting to Jessica Alba naked is easy:

Jessica Alba looks like she has broken her promise never to strip off for a movie role.

But her white undies in the shot were actually digitally removed in Machete.

Yes, well, there you go. It's not a naked Jessica Alba you fleetingly see, it's a few digitally painted pixels that you do. Most disappointing but then that's what you've got to do to give the audience their titillation while not conducting oneself in a manner unbecoming an actress.

Blanket Jackson is actually British?

Here's something of a turn up for the books. It's being claimed that Michael Jackson's son, Blanket, is actually British. Or at least part British.

The claim is being made by a Brit bloke, Matt Fiddes, who was a body guard to Jackson. He's saying that he was offered $500,000 to make a sperm donation (which he turned down) but that he did make a sperm donation at about the right time for the conception to have occured.

MICHAEL Jackson's former British bodyguard Matt Fiddes will this week claim he is the biological father of the dead star's youngest son Blanket.

Fiddes, of Barnstaple, Devon, will tell Australian TV he fathered the eight-year-old by sperm donation for nothing - turning down a £500,000 offer from the superstar. He has told pals he will fight for custody if anything happens to Jacko's mum Katherine.

That's going to be interesting though, a fight for custody. For of course Diana Ross was named as the second line guardian if anything ever happened to Jackson's mother. And, assuming that they did go through the legal manouvres, he's probably signed away all his parental rights anyway.

Then again, who knows whether the original claim is true of not anyway?

Lindsay Lohan's on heroin?

Or rather, was Lindsay Lohan on heroin?

Disturbing pictures have been found of Lindsay Lohan with a syringe, holding to her arm while she tightens a torniquet. The pictures date from 2007:

CROUCHING in a dark corner, Lindsay Lohan is poised to inject herself with what appears to be a syringe of heroin.

Our shocking picture shows the troubled Mean Girls star wrapping a tourniquet around her lower arm - the method addicts use to raise a vein.

Her right hand hovers the needle over the skin of her left arm.

What nobody actually knows is whether there was in fact heroin in the syringe and whether Lindsay Lohan actually injected herself with whatever it did contain. We really don't know whether this was actually preparing to take drugs or was simply a pose. A bit of fun for the cameras sort of thing.

About the only thing we can say is that she's not taking opiates now. They would have showed up when she was tested: you know, when the cocaine was found that sent her back to jail?

Michael Douglas has throat tumor

Sad news today as it is confirmed that Michael Douglas has a throat tumor.

The verteran actor has announced that he has a throat tumor: quite why is not know (it never is with cancer) but it is thought that it might be linked to his light smoking habit over the decades.

MICHAEL DOUGLAS, the Hollywood movie star, has cancer, his spokesman announced last night.

Doctors have discovered a tumour in his throat. He will now undergo an eight-week course of chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

From what we understand the tumor has been caught early and should respond well to the predicted eight week program of chemo and radiotherapy. Douglas himself says he is confident about his prognosis.

Are there any more Tiger Woods stories?

Is it possible that we have already used up all of the possible.stories about Tiger Woods, his mistresses, girlfriends, hookers and gambling?

Have we in fact reached Peak Tiger?

Sadly it looks as if we might have done. We've written about each and every one of the girlfriends, whether Elin will stay of go, whether or if whichever one has been paid off and by how much. Good grief, we've even done stories about how Tiger's Mum is a little upset about it all.

Something of a pity then really, we've used up all the stories that Tiger spent 5 years of marriage creating in only three weeks. It's as if we thought it was oil or something, that it would last forever and we'd never run out:

When asked what could be done about it Worstall replied" Clearly, if we're to maintain our precious environment of celebrity journalism, upon which our very existence as a species depends, we're going to have to see some serious actions by governments here. Either rationing of stories or perhaps a general tax on everything to subsidise production of Tiger Woods related features would be better. We should ship all 192 of them off to Copenhagen until they can come up with a solution."

When asked if it wouldn't be simpler just not to have stories about Tiger Woods at all Worstall seemed perplexed. "But if there's no Tiger Woods scandal to write about, what would I do?" When it was delicately suggested that he could get a job he looked puzzled and asked "Job? What's one of those?

Something Must Be Done.

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The Tiger Woods scandal

This Tiger Woods scandal seems to be getting larger and larger. Just today we have the following:

Rachel Uchitel has called a press conference (just a couple of hours to go now!) at which it is expected that she will withdraw her earlier denial of having had an affair with Tiger Woods and in fact confirm it.

We've had rumours out of Florida that Erin Nordegren has been given a payoff and that further, her prenup is about to be made much more favourable to her.

We've had in Slate an explanation of why Tiger seems so intent on not saying much about the accident: because just about anything he might say could put his wife in jail.

This is all shaping up really well, don't you think? This Tiger Woods scandal?

Annie Lennox is not HIV Positive

There seems to be a gross misunderstanding about Annie Lennox's HIV status.

No, Annie Lennox is not HIV positive. Rather, she has been a campaigner for those who are.

This seems to have got rather garbled as the news has passed around the information superhighway. To campaign on behalf of those who are HIV positive, as Annie Lennox has, is not the same thing as being HIV positive oneself, as Annie Lennox is not.

Emma Watson and Rafael Cebrion

So, Emma Watson decided that studying in the US would be a better idea than in England as everything would be less high profile.

And then we see things like this: Emma Watson and Rafael Cebrion. She goes to an ice hockey game with a fellow student and it's all over the newspapers.

So, err, how's that "less high profile" thing coming along then Emma?

Cheating Madeleine McCann's parents

This might not be something all that wise to do: cheating Madeleine McCann's parents.

A bloke called Ken Halligen has been had up before the beak for what looks like skipping on a hotel bill. He's also been indicted in the US for ripping off some lawyers.

But what's likely to cause him a great deal more trouble in the long term is the attempt he seems to have made to rip off the Maddy McCann fund.

There's nothing quite like the fury of the public when they find out that money donatde for the children has been stoled. More details here.