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December 02, 2006

That David Cameron Interview In Full

From the Daily Telegraph today.

     Telegraph: What do you think you have     achieved?    

   

Cameron: Well, Nigel Farage thinks I'm doing a great job!

    Telegraph: How much further has the rebranding     got to go?    

   

Cameron: Nigel won't win yet so obviously a long way to go!

    Telegraph: What would be an outdated idea? 

   

Cameron: All that stuff about Europe. You know, all that rubbish being spouted about how we no longer run our own country. Why can't people see that that simply doesn't matter any more?

    Telegraph: Before the last election, (when Mr     Cameron was Michael Howard’s policy adviser ) did you argue against     giving people money to subsidise operations in the private sector?    

   

Cameron: Because I don't believe that people should be able to spend their own money as they wish. Obviously, it needs to be mediated by the wise and the good in Whitehall. Otherwise, just what are politics or politicians for?

    Telegraph: Have you dropped all the outdated     baggage now?

    

Cameron: No, Anne Widdicombe remains an MP.

    Telegraph: Can you say more about your plan     for education? 

   

Cameron: Yes, certainly. Less choice, the bureaucrats really do know best.

    Telegraph: Do you think enough British history     is taught in our schools?    

   

Cameron: This is precisely the sort of wibbly issue where I can make a brief kow tow to the right No.

    Telegraph: Are there further areas of Labour     territory you want to move into?    

   

Cameron: Why would we want to become that right wing?

    Telegraph: You don’t mind annoying people     along the way?

   

Cameron: Well, only the people already in the Tory Party, obviously. I mean, where are they going to go otherwise? It's not as if they can stay at home and not vote, or that there are any other parties they might defect to, is it?

    Telegraph: Some people say these are stunts to     get yourself talked about. Where is the substance? 

   

Cameron: Burble, burble, how dare you, I once had a real job in PR you know.

    Telegraph: You never doubt the direction which     you are travelling?

 

Cameron: Clearly not, ever leftward is my mantra and I think everyone can see the value of that.

   Telegraph: What kind of independence can     you deliver for schools.

 

Cameron: Tsk, all this concern with freedom and liberty, where does it come from I ask you? Empowerment by the State is where it's all at these days, isn't it?

    Telegraph: Tory MPs says this plays well in     the Westminster village but not with the traditional party members.    

   

Cameron: Traditional party members? Why would we, the metropolitian elite, give two shits what they think?

    Telegraph: Do you not leave yourself (by     admiring Polly Toynbee images on poverty) that it is all     presentation and no substance?    

   

Cameron: I am a statist, a Gordon Brownist.

    Telegraph: Is there not a danger that with     "Hug a hoodie" and "Mr Tosser " that your     serious message is being overshadowed.    

   

Cameron: What serious message?

    Telegraph: What are you going to do on     discipline? 

   

Cameron: Home school contracts so kids’     parents have to sign up before they go to school.

Telegraph: But what are you going to     do?

Cameron: What's doing got to do with anything?

    Telegraph: Will that include transferable     allowances between couples? 

   

Cameron: That's a policy and we don't have any of them, haven't you noticed?

    Telegraph: Steve Hilton, you key adviser, is     seen as the power behind the throne, the real deputy leader. 

   

Cameron: We have power already?

    Telegraph: You didn’t mention big business     there. Was it a mistake not to go to the CBI?    

   

Cameron: Yes.

   Telegraph: Have you come back with a     clearer message on Iraq?

   

Cameron: No.

    Telegraph: Labour will fight the election on     security issues - not just terror but economic security, That will     lead them to the "solidness" of Gordon Brown rather than     Cameron and Osborne, the shadow Chancellor, the new kids on the     block?   

   

Cameron We have to defeat them on these     grounds. I have no idea how of course, having junked every economic idea the Tories ever had, even those that were actually correct.

   Telegraph: Plans for a reshuffle?   

   

Cameron. Of course. Permanent revolution!

    Telegraph: Some in the party think you should     appoint a figure like John Prescott to reassure the party faithful     that you are not going too far - much in the way that Prescott has     acted for Tony Blair over New Labour’s reforms.

   

Cameron: Mr. Chipolata? He's far too right wing for us!

   Telegraph: Have you made any mistakes     over the past year?   

    Cameron: Yes, loads.

    Telegraph: What?

   

Cameron: Everything about Europe, economics, personal responsibility, freedom, liberty, you know, the unimportant things. But I have had lots of fawning press coverage which is very important indeed.

    Telegraph How are your relations with the US     and the Bush White House. There are reports today that Blair got     nothing in return for his support for the Iraq war.   

   

Cameron: They've no idea who I am.

      Telegraph: But you let your Right-wing     critics get to you?   

    Cameron: No. If I let the critics get to me I     would stop doing what I am doing and slow down the pace of reform -     I have sped it up. Who listens to those idiots anyway, what with their banging on about Europe, rights, responsibilities, economics, freedom and liberty? None of those are important in a modern nation at all.

    Telegraph: But you get angry?   

   

Cameron: Yes, of course, when people see through what I'm doing. I mean, really, who would want there to be an actual choice of policy at the next election?

    Telegraph: So the Cameron revolution will     continue?   

   

Cameron: Yes. Ever leftward.

    Telegraph: Looking back do you see yourself as     a Disraeli figure?   

   

Cameron: I am not falling for that trap. I am     not fit to polish the boots he wore. He had both principles and policies.

    Telegraph: Do you hope to go to Washington and     see George W Bush?   

    Cameron: I definitely want to go, but you have     to balance foreign trips to get the balance right. It was important     to go to Iraq and Afghanistan to see what our troops are doing.     Important to go to India to see a very vital new relationship we are     going to have and the opportunity to go South Africa and meet     Mandela was irresistible, and then Darfur.  I am going to Israel     next year and I will definitely go to America, but I don’t think we     have any dates in the diary. He doesn't know who I am, nor care.

    Telegraph: Was going into Baghdad on the     helicopter the scariest thing you have done?   

    Cameron: No. It was fascinating. You are in     the helicopter with the doors open and two machine guns You are so     busy thinking about what’s going on below you and looking into     people’s homes. There wasn’t time.  Magnets used in toys, jewellery     and office equipment may pose a serious risk to patients fitted with     pacemakers and other heart implants, according to researchers.

(Ed: That last line, due to the Telegraph's subs, makes more sense than the rest of the interview put together.)


 


December 2, 2006 in Politics | Permalink

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Comments

You area bad lad. ;~))

Posted by: the great redacto | Dec 2, 2006 12:15:10 PM

I'll sub that properly...you are still a bad lad.

Posted by: the great redacto | Dec 2, 2006 12:16:10 PM

That, Mr. Worstall, was priceless.

Posted by: JT | Dec 2, 2006 12:41:14 PM

What distrurbs me is that I got a third of the way through the thing before I realised it was a joke.

Posted by: Horace Dunn | Dec 2, 2006 12:50:27 PM

It was a joke......?

Posted by: JuliaM | Dec 2, 2006 1:38:34 PM

Inspired, Timmy! So much so that I have had a go myself...

DK

Posted by: Devil's Kitchen | Dec 2, 2006 4:42:43 PM