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August 14, 2006

Best English Joke

An oldie but a goodie:

Top joke in England
Two weasels are sitting at a bar. One starts to insult the other. He screams: “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens for what the other weasel will say. The first again yells: “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says: “Go home dad, you’re drunk.”

August 14, 2006 in The English | Permalink


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Bah, it's not as good as the one about the bar maid with acute angina.

Posted by: Justin | Aug 14, 2006 8:45:20 AM

How about this one?

As I was going to bed last night, I noticed there were some people in my garden shed stealing things.

I phoned the police but was told that no one was in the area to help. They said that they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up. A minute later I called again. “Hello,” I said, “I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don’t have to hurry now because I’ve shot them”.

Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red handed.

One of the officers said: “I thought that you said you had shot them” To which I replied “I thought you said that there was no one available”

Posted by: MrS | Aug 14, 2006 10:39:35 AM

Amusing, but why weasels, eh?


Posted by: Devil's Kitchen | Aug 14, 2006 12:54:05 PM

Mary had a little skirt
With slits right up the sides
And every time she crossed her legs
The lads would see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
With a slit right up the front
She never wore that one

Posted by: Tim Newman | Aug 14, 2006 1:03:28 PM

Mary had a little bear
To which she was very kind
And everywhere that Mary went
You saw her bear behind.

Posted by: dearieme | Aug 14, 2006 2:15:14 PM

An old man is sat in a shopping mall next to a teenager who has spiky hair dyed red, green and blue. The old man kept staring at the teenager until the young lad can contain himself no longer.

“What’s up with you, granddad? Never done anything wild in your life before?”

“Yes,” replied the old man. “I got really pissed once and then had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”

Posted by: MrS | Aug 14, 2006 2:25:14 PM

Heard recently: chap walks into a shop. "Have you got any globes?". "Yes, Sir, they're over there." "But they're globes of the world: I want a globe of Basingstoke."

Posted by: dearieme | Aug 14, 2006 4:12:24 PM

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was black as charcoal,
and when she saw it jump the fence,
she saw its little tail wag.

Posted by: forester | Aug 21, 2006 10:06:52 AM


Posted by: liana lee | Feb 23, 2009 11:19:18 AM

The jokes are not so funny

Posted by: Jamie Gahallon | Oct 26, 2009 7:05:30 AM