October 24, 2009

Elizabeth Prophet Obituary

Those folks over at The Telegraph are sly dogs, aren't they? They've done the obituary of Elizabeth Prophet, a self styled, umm, prophet, of one of the more Doomsday oriented American churches. You know the sort of thing, stockpiling weapons in a cave in Montana, hearing the voices of Jesus, Bhudda and so on. And what's the final line of that obituary?

For some years she had been suffering from dementia.

Indeed she had been in a clinical sense: but how many years in total?

October 24, 2009 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 28, 2009

Swine flu not kosher

I'm sorry, but I have to snigger just a little bit at this.

Pigs are, to both Jews and Muslims, unclean and the eating of the meat (bacon, ham, pork) is forbidden to followers of either religion.

OK, what the Sky Pilot tells you to do, that's fine. But it can be taken to extremes.

"We will call it Mexico flu. We won't call it swine flu," Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman, a black-garbed Orthodox Jew, told a news conference Monday, assuring the Israeli public that authorities were prepared to handle any cases.

Under Jewish dietary laws, pigs are considered unclean and pork is forbidden food -- although the non-kosher meat is available in some stores in Israel.

Yup, despite the fact that the danger of the disease is exactly that it has crossed the species barrier, the word "swine" ain't to be used.

I was at college with a man who is now a Rabbi.....and I have to say that he would not be such a damn fool.


April 28, 2009 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 30, 2008

Jesus Cheeto

Jesus has been found in a bag of Cheetos! 

Kelly Ramsey from Missouri found the  Cheeto shaped like Jesus on the cross while munching on her favorite snacks.  Kelly bought the bag of snacks from her local convenience store, opened them up, pulled one out and thought 'Oh my that looks like Jesus on the cross.' It was just like wow!."

Kelly does not intend to Ebay her finding instead she is going to keep it in a deposit box.

God does work in mysterious ways.

Jesus Cheeto Photo: Kelly Ramey Finds Faithful "Cheesus"!
Post Chronicle
Kelly Ramey has found a Jesus Cheeto! The Missouri woman says she has found Jesus Christ in a bag of delicious Cheetos! ..

Jesus Cheeto is Cheesus
Right Pundits, CA
Here are the amazing pictures and video of the Jesus Cheeto which was found in a simple snack bag of chips. The bag was found by Kelly Ramey, ...

Divine manifestation on foodstuffs update: Jesus as Cheeto
Dallas Morning News, TX
Kelly doesn't plan to sell the Cheeto and will keep it in a safe deposit box. The entry "Divine manifestation on foodstuffs update: Jesus as Cheeto" has no ...

Woman Finds 'Cheesus'
Associated Content, CO
a woman from Missouri found the Messiah-shaped snack in a bag of Cheetos. The woman's friends and family said that the Cheeto did look like Jesus. ...

Woman claims she found 'Cheesus
NECN, MA
(NECN: High Ridge, MO) - A Missouri woman says she has found Jesus in a bag of Cheetos. When Kelly Ramey opened a snack-sized bag of Cheetos, ...

July 30, 2008 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 20, 2008

Katie Holmes' hands

Yes, it appears that Katie Holmes has purple hands.  Really, her hands are purple.  It's not enough that Tom Cruise has killed her career, he's now dying parts of Katie Holmes purple!

The great thing about inventing your own religion is that you can create various bizarre rituals and then force people to go through them - and pay you for the privilege.

Part of becoming a Scientologist is a purification ritual that turns your hands purple.  Personally, I would made them dye their back-sides blue - but this is pretty good too.

UPDATE:  We've received a couple of comments saying that (a) Scientology doesn't involve rituals and (b) that Katie is suffering from Reynaud's phenomenon.  I've not seen any reports of this being the cause, but I'm happy to accept it nonetheless.


Google Trend spreading about Katie Holmes having Purple Hands
Mosnar Communications Inc Blog, GA
Looks like Mrs. Tom Cruise aka Katie Holmes does not want the world to see her hands. But there is a hot Google trend spreading surrounding rumors that her ...

         
                         
StupidCelebrities.net
Katie Holmes’ purple hands have recently caused quite a stir. Photos show Katie Holmes hiding her hands, as well as wearing long sleeves and gloves. It seems the mystery has been...              

Katie Holmes Hands: Scientology's Purification Rundown Ritual ...                           
Random Citations
Katie Holmes hands were dark these days, got surprised! Thanks to our favorite celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, he now uncovered the reason behind Katie Holmes's discolored hands. The wife of Scientologist/actor Tom Cruise has underwent ...
KATIE HOLMES HANDS
I'm That Chick
We revealed yesterday that Katie Holmes has been wearing gloves and long sleeve shirts to cover her freakily discolored hands. We thought she was sporting purple hands for her appearance on ABC’s “Eli Stone.” ...

Katie Holmes Hands Turn Purple
Petes2Cents.com
The Hollywood rumor mill is churning up some juicy gossip these days. Sources say that Katie Holmes, while filming, has been seen hiding her hands in the general public or in front of the cameras. The reason seems to be...

WHATS WRONG WITH KATIES HANDS
What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Much is being made today of the fact that Katie Holmes has been seen while filming her cameo on the ABC show Eli Stone either hiding her hands (above) or wearing gloves (here). One picture in particular (this one) seems to have some in ...

July 20, 2008 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack

March 12, 2008

7 Deadly Sins

The Vatican has updated the list of the 7 deadly sins. Well, sorta, they don't replace the old list of 7 deadly sins, rather, they reinterpret them for the modern age.

The seven deadly sins of tech
Globe and Mail - Canada
Surely there are counterparts in the high-tech world to the original seven deadly sins that were defined by Pope Gregory the Great in the sixth century: ...
See all stories on this topic

Vatican’s new seven deadly sins
Hindustan Times - India
The Catholic Church on Sunday updated the 1500-year-old list of seven deadly sins, publishing the new list in the Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano. ...
See all stories on this topic

For Mumbai, the new seven deadly sins have been a long time coming
Daily News & Analysis - Mumbai,India
The Seven Deadly Sins have just got a 21st Century upgrade. The Vatican announced on Monday that there would be seven new members to add to the damned list. ...
See all stories on this topic

Wrath, Lust, and Littering? The New Seven Deadly Sins
ABC News - USA
By JOHN BERMAN Wrath and lust are two biggies on the list of the "seven deadly sins" proclaimed by Pope Gregory in the 6th century, and made famous by Dante ...
See all stories on this topic

The Seven Deadly Offset Credits
SitNews - Ketchikan,AK,USA
By Daryl Cagle The Vatican just announced a brand new, modern set of seven deadly sins to supplant the old seven sins which have grown pretty tired through ...
See all stories on this topic

Catholic church revises deadly sin list
ABC Online - Australia
PETER CAVE: The Catholic Church's Seven Deadly Sins are about to be given a makeover. With the number of people going to confession in steep decline, ...
See all stories on this topic

The Vatican revamps list of the "seven deadly sins"
WSBT-TV - South Bend,IN,USA
... Archbishop Girotti said he thought the most dangerous areas for committing new types of sins lay in the fields of bio-ethics and ecology. ...
See all stories on this topic

Seven sensationalist sins
GetReligion - Washington,DC,USA
To the 1342 readers (give or take a few) who sent us variations on the “Seven Deadly Sins” stories being published everywhere — we heard you. ...
See all stories on this topic

The Seven Deadly Sins in Home Staging
TransWorldNews (press release) - Monroe,GA,USA
Here is a few of the Seven Deadly Sins of Staging according to Accredited Home Staging Council. For a free report on all 7 the deadly sins visit ...
See all stories on this topic

Vatican's seven social sins draw mixed response
Eagle Tribune - North Andover,MA,USA
The new sins are in addition to the seven deadly sins, and could someday be added to the Ten Commandments. Some local people are split on the change, ...
See all stories on this topic


The 7 Deadly Sins of Running
 By Casey McGuire
7) Yeah, I missed a couple in there, but I have good reason. None of these sins are real. This guy has an interval running site, and wants people to buy into his bull s*#t. It is nothing more than a promotional scam. ...
Runonearth.com » Trail Running... - http://runonearth.com

The 7 Deadly Sins Omitted by the Catholic Church
 By Editor
Like the gnostic gospels and little league baseball, there are some things the Catholic Church tries to ignore - but late at night, when the mood strikes them, there is no avoiding. The 7 Deadly Sins Omitted by the Catholic Church after ...
CO-ED Magazine - http://www.coedmagazine.com

GMS presents: Seven Deadly Sins - The New Vatican Mixtape
 By Ass Hat(Ass Hat)
it's 2008, and the vatican has stepped its game up. it last published a list of seven deadly sins in the sixth century. since then, biggie and 2pac have passed away, australia has had an olympics, and akon has taken over the airwaves. ...
galactic mystery solvers - http://galacticmysterysolvers.blogspot.com/

Seven Deadly Sins
 By Mind Booster Noori(Mind Booster Noori)
Let me remind you that Pope Gregory I was the first to name the "seven deadly sins": Superbia, Avaritia, Luxuria, Invidia, Gula, Ira, Acedia. 15 centuries after, it seems that the Vatican now wants to change from this seven sins for ...
Mind Booster Noori - http://mindboosternoori.blogspot.com/

The new seven deadly sins
 By Jim Lippard(debater)
The Catholic Church has announced a new updated list of seven deadly sins for the twenty-first century, which are: 1. accumulating obscene wealth 2. polluting the environment 3. genetic engineering 4. drug dealing 5. abortion ...
The Secular Outpost - http://secularoutpost.blogspot.com/


March 12, 2008 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 20, 2007

Earl Paulk

Earl Paulk is revealed to have been a very naughty man indeed. He fathered a child by his brother's wife: not really normally the done thing in evangelical church circles, it has to be said:

The 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of a sex scandal of biblical dimensions: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her.

Members of Archbishop Earl Paulk's family stood at the pulpit of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church a few Sundays ago and revealed the secret exposed by a recent court-ordered paternity test.

In truth, this is not the first — or even the second — sex scandal to engulf Paulk and the independent, charismatic church. But this time, he could be in trouble with the law for lying under oath about the affair.

The living proof of that lie is 34-year-old D.E. Paulk, who for years was known publicly as Earl Paulk's nephew.

"I am so very sorry for the collateral damage it's caused our family and the families hurt by the removing of the veil that hid our humanity and our sinfulness," said D.E. Paulk, who received the mantle of head pastor a year and a half ago.

D.E. Paulk said he did not learn the secret of his parentage until the paternity test. "I was disappointed, and I was surprised," he said.

Earl Paulk, his brother, Don, and his sister-in-law, Clariece, did not return calls for comment.

Not returning calls is probably quite wise. At least, until they've got the story straight. One suggestion: that Don was in fact infertile and that Earl Paulk was doing him a favour by offering him a son to raise? Not sure how well that would go down with anyone but perhaps worth a try?

The real problem though is that Earl Paulk could be in legal trouble, rather than just church style moral trouble, for he's previously lied under oath about the affair. As Barry Bonds might be about to find out, that can attract a 30 year sentence for perjury.

It's also not the first allegation of sexual impropriety to swirl around Paulk:

Hall was born in 1960 and was one of the first children born into Chapel Hill Harvester. In 2003, she claimed that Paulk had convinced her into a lengthy affair that also included her having sex with Paulk's brother, Don. Hall alleges that the affair began in 1983 (in a manner much similar to Mona Brewer's a few years later) when Paulk prayed for her, then kissed her. He then would say he intended to "make love" to her. At one point, Paulk supposedly would tell her that they had a "special gift of love outside holy matrimony". Cindy Hall has never filed a lawsuit against Paulk.

Then of course there is Mona Brewer:

Brewer claimed that in 1989, Paulk felt " 'impressed of the Lord' to get to know her better". She then stopped by his office the next day. Soon she made regular appearances. She alleged that a church official stated that there had been a "word of knowledge" claiming that she was about to enter a new relationship that would benefit her.

As it turned out, the "relationship" in question was a sexual one with Paulk on September 12th of that year. Paulk preached the following Sunday that "when you are in despair, God will send you a resurrection"; later claiming that Brewer was his resurrection. She didn't break the relationship off until September of 2003.

Oh, and Earl Paulk seems to have made something of a habit of this:

Tricia Weeks: Weeks was a biographer/ghostwriter for Paulk when she allegedly had a two-year affair with Paulk in 1992.

And yet even more! Jessica Battle:

Between the Weeks incident and the stories breaking about Brewer and Hall, in 2001; Jessica Battle, a college student who had been part of the dance team, accused Paulk of molesting her between the ages of 7 and 11, and later of forcing himself on her when she was 17. Lynn Mays (Battle's grandmother and a pastor on the staff) sided with Paulk. The suit was settled out of court in 2003 for $400,000.

My my, quite the horny toad, isn't he, our Earl Paulk?

November 20, 2007 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 26, 2007

Westboro Baptist Church

Westboro Baptist Church and their leader, Fred Phelps. Adherents of that old time religion and very definitely not full of Christian charity.

Westboro Baptist has been known for some time for picketing outside the funerals of gays: claiming that America's acceptance of them was calling down the wrath of the Lord. Now Fred Phelps and his peeps picket the funerals of soldiers killed in Afghanistan and Iraq, claiming that their deaths, as with the deaths of those in 9/11, is a sign of God's wrath for, yes, you've guessed it, America's acceptance of homosexuality.

Fred, you seem to have a little bee in your bonnet there about this: not remember the one about he who is without sin being the first to cast a stone? Motes and beams even?

More on Westboro Baptist Church:

For years, the calculatedly offensive Westboro Baptist Church has horrified humanity by picketing the funerals of dead homosexuals. (You may remember their breakout performance outside the funeral of Matthew Shepard, hoisting signs reading “FAG MATT BURNS IN HELL.”)

More recently, WBC has busied itself picketing funerals of U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, claiming such casualties as God’s punishment of the United States’ acceptance of homosexuality.

But this week, the Westboro Baptist Church is in court, fighting a lawsuit brought by the father of a Marine slain in Iraq, who claims the WBC’s hateful protest at his son’s funeral—featuring placards reading “Thank God for Dead Soliders”—amounts to invasion of privacy with intent to inflict emotional distress.

And more on Fred Phelps:

Lance Cpl. Matthew A. Snyder of Finksburg, Maryland died in a non-combat related vehicle accident on March 3, 2006 in Al Anbar Province, Iraq. During Snyder's March 10 funeral Fred Phelp's clan of lunatics descended upon the church with "God Hates Fags," "Semper Fi Fags," and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers." According to Matthew's father, Albert Snyder, the WBC turned this funeral- like so many others - into a complete media circus.

Anyway, Albert Snyder has filed a civil law suit against Westboro Baptist Church, and needs your help. Although the case is being handled pro bono by Snyder's attorney, they still need some funding to cover court costs. Any funding in excess of these court costs are going to be used to pay for scholarships for returning veterans.

October 26, 2007 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 21, 2007

How Totalitarian Can You Get?

*

In one of history's more absurd acts of totalitarianism, China has banned Buddhist monks in Tibet from reincarnating without government permission. According to a statement issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs, the law, which goes into effect next month and strictly stipulates the procedures by which one is to reincarnate, is "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation."

August 21, 2007 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 21, 2007

Ave Maria

A new catholic town, Ave Maria, built on the proceeds of the sale of Domino's Pizza. Fair enough, it's his money to do with as he wishes. However:

Concerns include whether schools in Ave Maria will teach children about evolution or only the Catholic Church’s favoured theory of creationism;

I think you'll find that's a different bunch of religious nutters: evolution as the mechanism (if not the inspiration) is accepted Catholic Doctrine. This however shows a much greater lack of understanding:

...the biggest secular temptation will probably prove to be the local ice-cream parlour.

The biggest temptation will be just what it always has been, the evil that resides in mens' souls.

July 21, 2007 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 13, 2007

Oh Dear, Sir Simon

It being a long time since I was fed Catholic dogma I'll probably get some of this wrong myself but Simon Jenkins does seem to have grasped the wrong end of a number of sticks:

Who is this joker in Rome claiming supremacy via the greatest con in Europe's intellectual history, the 1870 Vatican council's invention of papal infallibility. Listen, Pope, I am inclined to say, two can play at infallibility.

Well, if our Benedict were indeed claiming Papal Infallibility on this matter that might be a fair comment but I'm pretty sure he's not. Do correct me if I'm wrong here but I think that the only time Papal Infallibility has indeed been claimed was back then in 1870, when Papal Infallibility was used to insist that the Pope could indeed speak Infallibly on various subjects. I'm really not certain that since then any Pope has stated that he's speaking Infallibly on any other subject than that Papal Infallibility is possible.

The Pope drew a distinction between the Orthodox churches, which he calls sisters (surely brothers?),

No, obviously not: Mother Church, remember?

While Roman Catholics scurry off to their modern sheds, it is the Anglican vicar who might reasonably imitate Benedict, sit atop his gothic steeple and proclaim his to be "the one true church".


Something of a touchy subject there: the jexting arm of lapsed Catholics (of which I am one) has been known to argue that the architecture of Roman Catholic churches would be vastly improved by hte Church of England handing back those ones built by Catholics: you get to keep St. Paul's for example, but we get Westminster Abbey back, along with all those built before about 1550 or so.

And as a special bonus:

I would not disestablish parish churches, rather the reverse. I would "establish" them, as in Germany and other continental countries, as the formal responsibility of parishes and municipalities, a charge on local rates and a religious and secular amenity for all local people, as in the middle ages. Everyone paid to build them. They belong to everyone and should be open to everyone. They just need the product of a penny rate to prop them up - and need it ever more desperately.


We get the return of the Church Tithe! Well, I suppose that when you give someone a knighthood there is always the possibility that he'll get all feudal on you.

July 13, 2007 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (12) | TrackBack