Andrew Marr or Mr Snuffles?

Compare and contrast these two columns:
Andrew Marr

We can all write the script in advance. "George Bush expresses renewed determination about the Middle East peace process, cheering up his number one supporter, Tony Blair." Fair enough. But we also know that because the Palestinian leadership is uncertain, and there's a lot of diplomatic spadework to do before concrete details can be agreed about any new initiative, it's unlikely we will get a clear, hard-edged announcement.

Mr. Snuffles.

"ho, mr snuffles'', i hear distant loud voice of decent majority of british people, rising on gentle november breeze, "we wouldn't do that to you here. here we eat only dim, mentally challenged species, viz, cows and pigs and sheeps. some asians may stir-fry a passing labrador, there may be a bit of monkey-munching in africa, and the french, as is well known, cannot turn on horse-racing on telly without salivating...
"but here in blighty, no, not a guinea-pig will find itself in danger. no nigella licking her delectable digits as she recommends lashings of cream with guinea-pig fritters; no loveable jamie oliver suggesting juniper-berry glaze for guinea-pig roast and chips, no ruthie rogers serving umbrian wood-smoked cavy with porcini risotto. no, snuffles, i hear you say, relax my friend, you're safe.''
to which - hah! many things must be said. first, you british have not the faintest idea of what you eat. did you even know that siberian tigers are used to flavour prince charles's old duchy original oatmeal-cardigan flavoured rice cakes? thought not.
second, even if you do not actually eat the guinea-pigs yourselves, what about fine old tradition of british internationalism? nation that took on slavers, brought gospel to africa, signed kyoto protocol & exported benny hill to americans... how can it ignore evil peruvian guinea-pig trade? can you look away and look yourselves in the eye? (difficult manoeuvre, i promise you, i've tried it.)
fellow citizens! the time has come for a massive campaign against cavy trade. no one is more naturally xenophobic or reactionary than mr snuffles... except perhaps old osama, who now has two elderly guinea-pigs hanging on to his upper lip, a clear message to cavy population to rise up.
and so we will, against international hegemonic reaganomics which exploits small cute rodents for low-fat foodstuff. globalism has gone too far. american gm food, casinos, software, movies, invasions, all fair enough, but tasty guinea-pig trade one step too far. by time you read this, it is probably clear whether guy who read goat story to children or one with face like man in moon sucking lemon has won us presidency. either way, it is time to serve notice and give warning that rodent population are mad as hell and won't take it any more. across the land small girls are now in urgent danger.

Sad but not all that surprising when the BBC's Political Editor is outwritten by his daughter's guinea pig.